Had a one on one outreach with my counselor today. It went really well. She continues to tell me how proud of me she is for the responses I’m able to give to the questions she asks. I always feel like I’m expected to give a specific answer but she is trying to break me […]Read More 306
He asked if we could talk about our fight last night then proceeded to say virtually nothing. All he asked was…”was there a misunderstanding?” And telling me “he can never say he’ll never drink again”. I told him how I felt and said i cant control your drinking but I will not be around it […]Read More 305
So I argued with Oliver last night about his drinking. I explained how messed up it is to make promises to people and not follow through especially when its one of the root causes of my mental breakdown. He told me I misunderstood his promise. He didn’t mean he was going to stop drinking all […]Read More 304
Just a few short days ago Oliver promised me he’d stop drinking. I was at a low point and he told me that if his drinking caused those feelings then its not worth it and he won’t do it anymore…..didn’t even last a fucking week. I get that its an illness but Jesus christ. Im […]Read More 303.
I wanted to post last night to keep my post streak going but I was soooo emotionally and physically drained from the day I passed out around 1030 or 11 when we got home. We were at the tournament for 14.5 hours!! My anxiety was through the roof!! After promising me at my lowest last […]Read More 302
Chopped all my hair off today…well not all but a lot. When my friend was cutting it another stylist passed by us and did a double take to make sure that’s how much was supposed to be cut. It was pretty funny. I had group CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) today. It went well I think. […]Read More 301
Today I had a couple group therapy sessions. These take place on zoom and The first one this morning went well until the end. It was a DBT group, The topic was “interpersonal effectiveness,” which in a nutshell is getting our needs and wants met without negative effects to others. We also discussed the “5 […]Read More 300!!!
Wheeeew what a day today was. This whole week has been a blur of depression anxiety ptsd etc…but today just when my depression is starting its upswing and my suicidal thoughts are becoming more passive, I had my intake evaluation for an IOP (intensive outpatient program) at the Acute Partial Hospital. There was so much […]Read More 299
Looking into checking myself in. I wouldve done it today but of course oliver couldn’t handle that so I will hopefully do it tomorrow. Its amazing I can’t even have a breakdown in my own timeframe. Until next timeRead More 298
More and more I’m seeing the blade glide and the pool of blood like I’m floating above my body looking down. He came home drunk from golf yesterday and since he said he planned on drinking more at the bowling alley I decided not to go. He came home puking his guts out and since […]Read More 297 trigger warning suicidal thoughts