Wheeeew what a day today was. This whole week has been a blur of depression anxiety ptsd etc…but today just when my depression is starting its upswing and my suicidal thoughts are becoming more passive, I had my intake evaluation for an IOP (intensive outpatient program) at the Acute Partial Hospital. There was so much info thrown at me from all directions, a clinician, and psych, a nurse answering questions, remembering past traumas for the ptsd questionnaire, telling them what I expect out of my treatment plan…..I ended up saying idk to a lot of it because I dont know. I dont know what is fixable, what I have to medicate for, what I can work to improve, how I can improve… etc. I just can’t ask ir answer the questions if I dont know what to expect, or hope for.

I liked my new psych dr. But he has a thick accent and its hard to understand some of what he says so i have to ask him to repeat himself. Idk what his accent is but its beautiful.

I liked the intake clinician but she only does the intake I won’t speak with her again.

I have a new counselor that I start group therapy with tomorrow then I guess we will discuss my individual plans another time? The clinician is recommending i go to something called “mindful self compassion” idk if its individual or group and something else called “IMR” but again I’m so clueless I don’t know what any of it is.

We realized that my ptsd is more of an issue than I thought. And not just because of abuse, but things I’ve witnessed or people I’ve lost, things I’ve experienced or known of happening. So the main things we are going to work on are depression, anxiety, mood stabilization, suicidal ideation, ptsd, and dysphoria. Sounds like a lot huh.

My meds have been a headache lately. I was on welbutrin a while back it worked for depression but my anxiety was bad on it so the dr I was seeing switched me to prozac. The prozac worked for the anxiety but not the depression. Monday the dr switched me back to welbutrin….I took it for 2 days then had the appointment today with my new dr, who is taking me off the welbutrin and putting me on Lamictal. He also not to sure my abilify injection is helping so he may adjust that in a couple weeks as well.

Ok now that I got all that off my mind and im not quite so overwhelmed i think I may actually get some sleep

Until next time

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