Today I had group we did distress tolerance. Survive crisis without making it worse. We were learning the tools to self soothe- create relaxation with a mindful connection to the senses. A lot of it made sense we even discussed this sound called weightless that I need to look into its supposed to be scientifically proven to help with anxiety so I def need to look into that not just for me but for Oliver too.

After group I had my drug test. I got to actually meet my counselor in person instead of over zoom. Then after my drug test at noon I had a one on one with her at 330. Shocker she had me crying AGAIN. We discussed my RSD and my sense of loneliness and often feeling like an outcast. We went back as far as I could remember to feeling that way and she was surprised that I could pinpoint an exact example/experience from when I was around 6. She told me I need to go back to that little girl and be kind to her. Make her feel loved. She gave me a goal this week of being kinder to myself…eventually getting to a point of love. I dont see it happening but I’ll try.

Now I’m sitting at bowling watching Ollie practice while Oliver bowls league. Its pouring outside and I’d love to be running around in the rain or swimming in the rain even but there is lightning and I’m stuck here.

Welp, that is all for now.

Until next time

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