Blog post 106
Today was another boring day. I woke up made breakfast did the tv thing for a bit did the phone thing, made and ate lunch and made dinner, did more of the tv and phone thing, ate dinner cuddled with the hubby.
I never did any cleaning today. I just can’t get motivated to get it done.
I’m hoping I get to talk to my mom tomorrow. We dont speak nearly enough! Maybe once a week, week and a half or so. It’s not that I have anything special to discuss with her I just miss her.
Tonight I had some weird …visions? I kept playing a conversation in my head that never took place and can never take place. For some reason one of my abusers popped in my head and I remembered a few years back when my children were much younger a time when I was going to let him meet the children once before he got too sick to do so. So in this “vision” he shows up and takes one look at me and my satisfaction at his disgusted look gave me all the courage in the world. I got to tell him how what he did to me took every shred of me to hell with him and I let myself go in a bid to be as gross to him as possible. I then got the pleasure of kicking him out without him ever laying eyes on the innocence that is my children.
I get visions like this all the time where things play out in my head, possible things, impossible things, things that have happened and havent. I often wonder if others have this happen as well. Are you out there? Anyone?
Hhmm…well there have been More covid19 scares going on today. What are your thoughts?
I think I’m gonna sign off here my mind keeps sliding back to the abuser and I dont need or want that negativity hitting me now or ever.
Until next time…