trying this again

I was halfway through with a post when it vanished….not even speeding off into the draft folder after being auto saved!! so I will again try to post as much of the content as I can remember.

originally I planned on filling you all in on what had been missed in my hiatus but I don’t remember much from it due to the depression fuzzies. one thing I can share from the hiatus is a rekindled friendship. a few times I had written about a friend Ariel*, and how we had “lost touch” to put it simply, well I am happy to report we are back on speaking terms. I know it will never be the way it was but i’m happy to have her back in my life in some capacity.

I’ve recently undergone multiple emergency oral surgeries to extract teeth that have been causing pain and infections so I have been trying to recover from that and it has been proving most difficult. i’m now missing 7 teeth and at least 5 more need to be pulled over the next month or so. I say month because I am a baby when it comes to my teeth and can only handle one getting done at a time.

today is Thursday which for those who have been following me for a while know, its my dark day of the week. i’m still not sure why this day of all days makes me feel so down but here we are. I’ve been back on my meds for a few weeks now so hopefully that will help with it all. only time will tell.

speaking of dark, after prepping my planners for the upcoming week I happened to notice a certain date approaching in which I will probably react to very negatively. one of my abusers (the one that has the worst effect on me), though he has since passed on, birthday is quickly arriving, and I anticipate a very dark day, or days. last time a date involving him came it was bad…very bad… so I am assuming this one will be as well.

tonight is a bowling night so as I sit here in my own little world typing away I hear the murmur of multiple conversations taking place at once, I smell stale beer and food cooking in the food court, I sense my youngest playing with his friends though he is out of eye sight currently and I start to realize i’m alone. the darkness is setting in and though I am making myself unapproachable by typing and being lost in thought, I hate the feeling that’s creeping in.

in order to try to save myself I am going to switch from writing to decorating my planners.

until next time

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