Ailments and attitude

There has been an increase in ailments lately….and I don’t know why. Among them, My ears are killing me like I have a double ear infection but I have so signs other than pain.  I keep getting the chest pains that I use to get a lot of but the doctors never find a reason for it. My eyes have been getting blurry due to the contacts but I can’t exactly afford an eye exam and new contacts so I have to suck it up. I can’t wear my glasses due to the headaches that they almost instantly cause every time I put them on. I’m constantly tired. The list can go on but it’s entering whining territory and I would like to avoid that.

I’ve noticed my moods have taken a mean turn. It’s a obvious sign that I am off my meds. My temper gets very short and I fill with quite a bit of rage at the dumbest of things. Half the time I find that I’m not even mad or upset but I’m still yelling or flipping out about the stupidest things.

Oliver of course always suffers the most when I get like this. Which of course makes him usually go on a bender. I’ve come to realize that anytime I am down and out for any period of time, even if it is just a cold, and he has to step up and handle the kids on his own while I am on the mend, the moment I am somewhat back to normal, like clockwork, he goes and gets completely obliterated and trashes all that trust we had built up where his drinking was concerned.

Ok starting to get angry about it so we move on…tomorrow the men are FINALLY supposed to come and do my FiLs floors, which means I am stuck home with Opal trying to keep her calm during the construction while Oliver takes Ollie with him to a bowling tournament. I’m not upset about it because that means I get to have some alone time with Ophion and we can spend the day watching shows together…first of which will be the remaining episodes of Ladybug and Cat Noir that we need to finish. I am slightly worried that he will be in the bowling atmosphere with out me there to keep an eye on him….but only slightly. I know that he would never drink and put Ollie in danger, but I also know that if in the 1 in a gazillion chances that he loses all of his senses and does drink, that there will be a dozen or more men and women who would be willing to get Ollie home safe for me.

Oliver has been asleep since around 6 tonight so I’m guessing he will struggle to sleep through the night. I again will be taking the night to clean up the hell that has become my house.  First I am enjoying a few episodes of “the Originals”. I swear tv is one of the only things I have that I enjoy passing time with anymore. I can’t seem to enjoy anything that use to bring me joy, even reading hasn’t been enjoyable. The boys are off of school all week next week so I won’t be able to watch as much tv as I usually do but I am hoping that my mood improves enough that I can enjoy the time with the kids.

Anyways it is almost 9 which means I need to end this so I can enjoy my show for a bit then start cleaning before it gets too late and this headache gets to the point that I don’t want to move.

Until next time













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